just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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