It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
