you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
