Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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