Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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