If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
