I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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