i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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