There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
