Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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