Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
