Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
