i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
birth control should be required to get into college
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
