YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
