i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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