So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize