ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
