If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
