Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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