Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Someone came in the potted fern
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
