Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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