One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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