ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize