I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i've created a new STD.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize