cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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