Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
