What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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