feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
