Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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