the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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