So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
