is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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