You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
