That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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