I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
