i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
