Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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