We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
