So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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