awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
