Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
