Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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