he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
