Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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