please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
