i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
