After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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