This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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