Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
