Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
