Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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