As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
