Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
