just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
