Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
wow bdsm is so cute
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
