i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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