i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
