i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
