I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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