Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
