Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
