Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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