turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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