just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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